His
head is tilted back, mouth slightly open. His breath is slow and
steady and his eyes almost all-closed but slightly open. His neck
nestles over the crook of my arm and I stare at his face as he breathed
in and breathed out. A feeling of overwhelming love washed over
me. I was totally at peace as I watched my son sleep in my arms.
I must say
that there’s absolutely nothing quite like it at all.
When was
it that he got so big? He’s almost too big to fit into my arms
as his legs dangled off the edge of my other arm. He speaks almost
in adult-fashion now but in child lingo. He has mastered the art
of writing and drawing a very funny and ‘individualistic’ sketch
of the sun and a smiley face. He is old enough to tell me that
his favorite color is red and favorite number is 4. I know I am
his mom but the effects of being a protector, a caregiver; a mom
has never failed to astound me.
Sometimes
daily needs outweigh the needs of our children. Their need to
have us by their sides to kiss the wounds and to heal the tantrums.
They need us – now what else can be more important than that.
They need us to tell them that it’s OK when others are not nice
to them and that they don’t have to avenge the bad behavior of
others. They need us to tell them that it’s OK to feel bad when
they’ve made a mistake and are asked to say sorry for the mistakes.
They need us to bring them out in the playground and teach them
about nature, about living and about the world. They need us.
Period.
There are
times that I wonder if I should just give up the working arrangement
that I have fiercely fought for for the past 5 years and go back
into the rat race. There are weak moments when I wonder if I have
done the wrong thing and have pampered them by trying to be an
overly ‘positive’ parent. I wonder too, if my kids are good kids
or bad kids. But now I know, there’s no such thing as a bad kid;
and a good kid is a stroke of luck.
Everything
becomes worthwhile when he runs over to me and shouts, “Mommy!!!
My mommy!” and come crashing into me, bumping my nose and cracking
my lips with his forehead. He buries his head into my shoulder
and I bury mine into his. We stay in that position for a full
minute before we peel apart and start planting wet kisses all
over each others’ faces. We don’t care about germs, do we? I just
want to kiss him until the day I die – just kiss him senseless
and no one can tell me that I can’t kiss my own baby that way.
But till
when will this luxury last? Our kids are borrowed treasure for
we know they won’t remain babies for very long. My babies won’t
need me for very long now. Soon, they’ll be old enough to prefer
their friends to me. Soon enough, they’ll want to go out with
their friends and won’t want me to tag along. Soon enough, they’ll
only speak to me when they want my car or want me to pay their
cell phone or Internet bills for them. Soon enough, they’ll have
a life of their own and mine is kicked aside.
So, for now,
I treasure this 3-year-old baby in my arms, lying so soundlessly
sleeping in the crook of my arms. He fits just perfect right now.
How I wish
he would fit into my arms like that for the rest of my life….and
his. But I know he won’t. And that’s one BIG, FAT reason to treasure
the moments now.
This article
was posted on February 13, 2005
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